Tonight as I was putting my boys to bed Trace asked me if I wanted another baby. I quickly replied "NO" and then I kind of felt bad so I added a "no, not really." He then begged me to have another baby so that he could have a baby sister. Then Trent piped in and added that he would like a baby sister too! He then asked me "Mom, how do we get a baby?" I changed the subject and ran to get Dave. I sent him in right away to answer all of their important questions. I was hoping that he would explain to them that it would not be a good idea for mom to have another baby because "she is already mentally ill and having another baby just might send her over the edge." All he said to them was "Oh no you didn't." That's what I get for sending him in. I don't think he got my point across to them and I know they wouldn't understand anyway. Sometimes I am amazed at the innocence of children. It makes me sad to think of all of the trials and wicked things they are going to have to encounter. I wish I could do it for them. I know what it means when they say that "you would do anything for your kids" except when they ask you to have another baby. That is where I draw the line.
In all honesty, I have often felt that I had another girl waiting to come down to join our family. My problem is that the thought of having another baby up all night makes me tired and almost physically sick. Each pregnancy got a little harder and more complicated and I am afraid at what could happen if I had another baby. Not to mention the fact that I have lost more than fifty pounds and I am finally back to what I weighed when I got married and packing that fifty pounds back on doesn't really sound appealing to me. I know it is selfish to feel this way but I can't help it.
9 comments:
Mindi, your blog made me smile tonight. Thanks. I know how you feel about having another baby. There have been times when I felt Like I want another than I am hit by all the emotional stress I've been through being pregnant. Your not alone.
Elisebeth
Mindi-
ok that was so funny, I totally remember those awkward questions, but I never got Eric because he was more awkward than me....Haleigh used to ask me all the time to have another baby I finally just told her "My eggs are hard boiled, so they don't make babies" she's like "HUH?"
Oh the joys of being a mother, and you are an awesome one, I love Trent in my class he is the cutest little guy ever, and sooooo good.
I know how you feel. Tanner wonders when their next sister is coming?? Chet won't even consider it! Let's just say that it brings me GREAT comfort in knowing we can continue our families in the eternities. Even though I can't have another baby, I know that "mentally" I couldn't handle another one and that it wouldn't be fair to my children to not be there for them in the way that I would want. I get anxiety just thinking about it...k I need help! :o)
If that is selfish...I am right there with you. Elsie has been really easy, but I am still afraid to have another. Afraid for my sanity, but also for my kids. I don't want to see my babies go through hard things! But, if you do have another baby, Spencer will kick your butt into shape again and during the whole pregnancy I am sure!
You go girl!! Congrats on the 50 pounds :) Whoo hoo
Mindi, all I am going to say is GOOOOOOOOOOOO for it! Hell, mabey just mabey Aletha can get us a room together down at the county mental hospital and mabey a 2 for one deal???????? I think you look awesome and I think your pregnancy would be easier because you are in such great shape. I could see you with another little girl but you will know when the time is right. Candi
Tell me about it ;-) Congrats on the 50 pounds. That is amazing. You look fabulous.
Tough decisions. You have such a beautiful family--it will be a lucky baby if you decide to have another.
What is in the water??? Jayden asked me when I am going to have another baby last week too. I hate that questions because I want one so bad but I am worried that: one I have my plate full, and two that the next one would have bad eyes too. The only way I would have another baby is if I was CERTIN that is what Hevenly Father wants me to do. I don't know if I am in tune enough to be that certin.:)! Good luck with the Decision. Luckily Jayden didn't ask me the, where to babies come from question.You are awsome Mindy and you look amazing! You could do it again if you wanted to!
Love that post...I love the innocence of kids. Such a hard decision and you know what I totally understand you wanting to be a little selfish. That gaining weight/losing weight thing is horrible. I'm sure you will make the right decision for your family. You look wonderful and your family is so adorable.
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